Sheldon Astrology ^new^

Minute temperature fluctuations in the Cosmic Microwave Background radiation at your birthplace (measured in microkelvins) determine your resistance to social conventions. A higher fluctuation correlates with wearing flash t-shirts and knocking three times.

In The Big Bang Theory (Season 3, Episode 8 “The Adhesive Duck Deficiency”), Sheldon states: sheldon astrology

This paper is satire. No actual astrologers were harmed, and no physicist endorses this system. If you believe in “Sheldon Astrology,” please check your carbon monoxide detector. Episode 8 “The Adhesive Duck Deficiency”)